Sexy vs. sporty pole: understanding each other

OK, I'm finally going to tackle the sexy pole vs. fitness pole thing. It's pretty much the most controversial topic in our community, and I don't shy away from hot topics. I've just been taking the time to figure out the best approach to adding to the conversation in a way that will benefit everyone.

First off, there's a point we need to clarify that tends to get overlooked. We are not arguing whether pole should be sexy or athletic. Neither side is trying to do away with the other side. I don't know any reasonable person who thinks you shouldn't be able to dance exotically if you want to, or should have to if you don't want to. (If you do think that: Mind your own business about how people want to dance.) The argument is not which of these two styles should exist, but about how they should coexist.

And the problem from my perspective is that people are so adamant about their opinions that they are not really understanding each other. Fortunately, as an independent poler/instructor not attached to any studio, I've been exposed to a lot of different poling environments, and I feel I'm in a good position to see both sides of the story. And since I can see how passionate everyone is, I think it's a good idea to step back from the particulars of the pole community and turn our thoughts elsewhere.

It's the 80's. (Late 70's, whatever. I'm good at music, not history.) You're a disenfranchised youth. Everybody's running around in suits trying to screw each other out of money. Greed, hypocrisy, and a life that tastes like cardboard. You're in school, it's horrible, but real life is going to be worse. Dead end.

And then one day you and your friends are out smoking and being bored and you wind up at CBGBs and your life is changed. You have found the counter culture, you have found music, life, friends, actual fun, and a big fuck you to society. You don't have to be a prick in a suit, you can be a badass with spiky green hair. You don't have to have a white picket fence, you can have body piercings.

You become totally immersed in the punk scene and you've never felt so alive. You adopt the fashions, worship the bands, and let society know how you feel about it. You trade the emptiness of jumping through hoops for disinterested teachers for crazy nights of drinking and partying with your friends.

And you're going along finally feeling like yourself, when some moron shows up spewing all this stuff about how we have to get all the drinking and drugs and crazy clothes and hair out of the music venues. They wanna play "punk music" but they don't want any punks around. And you're like, "UH, DUDE. YOU'RE IN THE WRONG FUCKING PLACE. THIS IS WHAT PUNK IS."

OK, chance of scene. It's the 80's. You're a young musician. Played guitar your whole life. Obsessed with Hendrix, the Beatles, everyone. Every paycheck goes straight to the music store for another stack of records (or tapes, we never did decide what year it is). You've been gigging around a bit and jamming with your friends, but nothing you would call a real band.

And then one day you hear the Ramones and your life is changed. You have found your musical calling. Punk puts every other kind of music in its place. It is strong, it is loud, it is in your face, but it has a disingenuous simplicity. No frills, no trills, just real music. And it sounds awesome.

You instantly get your friends on board and start a band. You start playing out at CBGBs and you are awesome so you amass a following very quickly, enough to make you local celebrities. You make some demo tapes and fans are going wild for them. You're finally right where you want to be.

Before you know it, a major label gets ahold of your tapes and is interested in signing you. Your career would be made. A rock star.

But the label wants to see you live, and there's just no way. You appreciate your fans exuberance, but those venues are a mess. People are dressed to intimidate. Underage kids are drinking and fighting. A suit wouldn't last thirty seconds in there.

Not to mention, the whole fans behaving like jerks thing is kind of getting to you. You're all in support of tossing back a few beers, and leather jackets do look pretty awesome, and sure guys should be able to pierce their ears if they want to. But the "image" of punk is sort of drowning out the music, and you're sick of fights breaking out at every show. Your little sister really wants to come see your band play, but you're afraid something could happen to her.

And you're like "DUDES SERIOUSLY YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DRESS LIKE FREAKS TO LIKE MY MUSIC AND CAN YOU PLEASE STOP STABBING PEOPLE IN THE FACE WHILE I'M PLAYING K THX."

So here we have two people drawn to the same scene for very different reasons. Two people who value different aspects of it, and find their goals at odds. One thinks that punk is about what you wear, how you party, and your attitude towards society. The other thinks it's about three chords and the truth, and the rest is fluff that is currently driving people away. Unfortunately, the scene is so small that musician guy and spiky hair guy don't have a lot of room to break off from each other, They don't really have anywhere else to go.

Stalemate. End scene.

I think you get the point. And I'm not really proposing a solution, just wanted to show how both sides can make sense if you look at them from a different perspective. Can you separate the music from the message? Well, I think Paul Ryan being a fan of Rage Against the Machine answers that question.

Some people want to pole to express their sensuality, and taking that away would be missing the point for them. Others want a cleaner image so that they can share pole with their children and get it into the Olympics. And we can have different naming conventions (pole dance, pole fitness, aerial pole, pole art, exotic pole dance, acrobatic pole), but for the most part we are too small of a community to split ourselves up in a way that will affect how the public views us. I mean, I used to do taekwondo. Did you know there are two versions of taekwondo, traditional and WTF? If you're not already involved in martial arts, you probably didn't know that. If you formed a mental image of someone doing taekwondo, you wouldn't have asked yourself first which branch it was. This is as opposed to say, being a politician, and being a Republican or Democrat. So many more people know basic politics than basic taekwondo that they would know to ask that question if you introduced yourself as a politician. But unlike with taekwondo practitioners, the image matters more for polers, because due to the sexual aspects, it affects when and where it is appropriate to perform it, or even talk about it.

There is one more point I want to make about naming conventions, though. OK, so let's say athletic people call what they do "pole fitness," and sensual polers should then use "pole dance" or "exotic dance." But they don't want to do that because they want to imply that what they are doing is different from stripping--not that they think there's anything wrong with stripping, but they don't necessarily want people to think that's what they do. Guess what? That's exactly how many athletic polers feel about exotic pole. They don't think there's anything wrong with dancing sexy, but they don't want people to think that's what they do.

Anyways, I know it's kind of a dick move to point out a problem and not propose a solution. But I felt that the problem was that people didn't understand the problem. So I hope I helped a little bit with that. And before anyone flames me, let me point out that I'm not an interested party. I'm not attached to sexy pole, I'm not trying to get it in the Olympics; as always I'm happy just doing my own thing and working with anyone who wants to work with me, whatever their persuasion. So I don't have a horse in this race (until I come up with a solution and write a blog about that). Just want to see everyone getting along!

Image from hustlebunny.com

Things not to say to a fitness pole dancer

Confession: I kind of hate telling people I do pole. Of course I'm not ashamed! I mean I have this whole website and blog and twitter and everything! It's just, you know, people jump to conclusions about your career choices-- and more often, they have really stupid, not funny, heard-it-a-million-times-before jokes.

In case you know a poler, or would like to know a poler, or are a poler and would like to share this article with your more uncouth friends, here is my list of comments that you shouldn't make to pole dancers. You are not funny, we are not amused, let's move on.

"You take pole dancing classes? What, preparing for a career change? HA!"

Pole dancing is a sport in and of itself, separate from stripping. Some strippers are also pole dancers. Most are not. Some pole dancers are also strippers. Most are not. Incidentally, I've never had a student who was taking pole dance to prepare to audition as a stripper. I've had strippers as students, but never aspiring strippers. If you've ever been to a strip club, you know that pole skills are not, not, not at all required to work in one.


"Heheh, you said POLE, heheheh... *stupid penis euphemism*"

Oh wow, pole is a euphemism for penis? Really? Gee! Have you read Freud? EVERYTHING is a euphemism for dongs! After about one week of pole dancing, we really are sick of the penis jokes.

"Are you a stripper?"

Most people who are strippers don't like to talk about it. So unless they're "out," most people will say no whether it's true or not. Might as well not make an awkward situation. If you really wanna know, wait for them to volunteer the information-- or at least wait for better evidence before you go prying.

*watches someone perform superhuman feats of strength* "Wow! You're really FLEXIBLE!!"

OK, this is a legitimate compliment. In and of itself, it's not harmful. Here's my problem: I am NOT flexible. I am really, really strong. 9 out of 10 men recognize that when they see me dance. But there's always that 10th guy who can't recognize a strong woman for what she is. They'd rather covertly sexualize my skills by fantasizing about me putting my legs behind my head than admitting that they might not beat me in a fight. So, by all means, compliment someone on their flexibility if its appropriate. But if you can't admire a woman's strength, you're spectating at the wrong event.


"Yeah, if I was 100 pounds I'd be able to throw myself around like that, too!"

That's something akin to the "flexible" subversion, and likewise something of a compliment ("You're skinny!" I'll take it!). But it's similarly downplaying a woman's strength, while making light of your own weakness. Maybe you're not weak, but you're probably making the comment because you felt somewhat intimidated watching a woman perform and thinking to yourself, "Holy crap, I can't do that." I understand the bodyweight issue, but please understand that we're not this strong because we're skinny, we're this strong because we're strong.

"Shhhh! There are children present!"

Children pole dance now. Pole is not inherently sexual. Kids love poles. Watch them on a subway car, spinning around and trying to climb.

"Wanna come pole dance for me in my bedroom?"

Pick-up line FAIL. No sex for you.


I'd love to hear some more pet peeve comments from other polers. Please share!!

Pic from Maverick Entertainment.

Pole Nomenclature

 
There's a bit of inconsistency in what People Who Do Pole Dancing Outside of Gentlemen Club Settings choose to call themselves and their art. Pole dance, pole fitness, aerial pole-- these are all terms that get used somewhat interchangeably, even though they have different connotations. We may be some time away from an industry standard, but here's a breakdown of some of the options so at least you can decide what to call yourself!

Pole Dance

This is the most accurate descriptor of what we do. Whatever our skill level and performance or training venue, we are all dancing on a pole. The problem is that "pole dancer" to many people is just another euphemism for "exotic dancer" or "stripper." Some people who do pole dancing are current and former strippers, and we owe the art form as it is today to that industry. But most people who are not strippers (or who are but want to keep it under wraps) don't want everyone they meet to jump to that conclusion. Not to mention that many exotic dancers-- who are known as pole dancers-- don't actually do any "pole work." (And we love them anyways. You go, girls!)

Pole Fitness


"Pole dancing is a great way to stay in shape and have fun!" So goes the pitch of gym classes and pole studios everywhere. Pole dancing is an amazing form of fitness. The upper body strength and flexibility required to perform advanced tricks are no less than insane. But what if you're not doing pole to get in shape? What if you're doing it for the artistry, for performance or competition? "Pole fitness" to me is a positive connotation, but it inspires images of gym pole classes and pole crunches. Fitness is just one facet of pole dancing, but it neglects the artistry that many of us strive for. And even more problematic, there's no name for a person who does Pole Fitness. A Pole Fitness... Participant? Enthusiast? Dancer? Performer? Pole Fitness doesn't sound like something you perform.

Aerial Pole

This is the term I use to describe what I do. It took awhile for pole to become an accepted part of the aerial community (with the exception of Chinese Pole, which is not found as often as more popular arts like silks and trapeze), but eventually there was enough crossover between the pole and circus worlds that everyone realized how much pole has in common with its sister arts in the circus. I myself started taking aerial silks when I saw how similar it was to pole, and my first formal pole students were all aerialists. But I want to point out that "aerial" means "in the air." I consider myself an aerialist on the pole because I'm accustomed to working on 15-20 foot poles. Most people are learning pole in their homes or in pole studios, with standard ceiling heights-- not much air happening there. Not to mention that some polers spend their entire routines on the floor, spinning, prancing, and doing floor work. I don't want to dismiss my colleagues who practice more sexually-charged forms of pole dancing, rather than the acrobatic-intensive form that I do, but I don't think the term "aerialist" applies to them.

Acrobatic pole

Acrobatic pole is similar to aerial pole, without the height connotations. My own site is "acrobaticpole.com," and before it was acceptable to refer to ourselves as "pole aerialists" (I have been doing this for 8 years-- 8 years ago aerial acrobatics wasn't even that popularized that people knew what an aerialist was), I called myself a "pole acrobat" and taught "acrobatic pole dance." I think this is relatively problem-free as a catchall term, with some of the same reservations as I had for "aerial pole"-- not everyone who takes pole dancing classes gets anywhere near doing what could be recognized as acrobatics.

"Polers"

Among the pole community, many of use just refer to the sport as "pole" and refer to ourselves as "polers." It sounds funny and doesn't really clarify anything, but I see it as akin to motorcyclists being called "bikers" and video game players calling themselves "gamers." It's just a convenient little nickname that makes sense and will be recognized by those in the know, even though there are other kinds of "bikes" besides motorcycles and other kinds of "games" besides video and role playing games. I see this as gaining prominence among our community, but probably not formal enough to describe our art.

Personally, I call myself a "Pole Aerialist" because it best describes what I do. But I think this varies from dancer to dancer. What do you refer to your pole art as?

Pic from NYDailyNews.com gallery.